A BELLY-FULL OF SCANS

Canadians are in an uproar over the announcement that full-body scanners are going to be installed at a number of our major airports. And most of the controversy seems centered around issues of invasion of privacy rather than evasion of terror (which would make more sense to me).

It might be that I have a rather different appreciation of airport security than most, born out of my experience of it.

Back in the days when commercial flying was still fun (and airlines treated people like guests and served them meals without charge), the main threat to a passenger's sense of security was the worry that some slipshod mechanic had forgotten to tighten a crucial bolt. And "domestic terrorism" usually meant that a vengeful husband had insured his wife for a bundle, then packed a bomb in her Samsonite. 


And that was scary enough!

Before long, highjackings came into fashion; and 'Fly this plane to Cuba!' became the mantra-du-jour. But, usually, all that a highjacking entailed was a temporary diversion to a warmer clime, a brief stop at Havana Airport and (with luck) a complimentary glass or two of rum.

Then came organized terrorism, and things turned nasty.

At first, airports ran only selective checks on passengers: a simple wave of a hand-held metal detector up and down the body. And even that was reserved only for the more "suspicious" - in other words, people like me.

If one out of every 30 or 40 people was chosen to undergo this routine, I was that one. But I really didn't mind. After all, I'd spent most of the 1960s and 70s proving to people that just because my hair hung down to my shoulder blades didn't mean I was any more evil than people whose hair never touched their ears. And if I had to make the point all over again in the name of effective airline security, so be it!

And yet, being constantly culled from the herd for extra inspection did become rather tiresome when I became the token Northerner on the Board of Directors of The Ontario Film Association and had to fly down to Toronto for meetings every month.

One day, while walking down the ramp to my aircraft, I was stopped by a young man-in-black for the customary detector drill. I submitted without protest (as I always did); but when he'd finished, I felt compelled to give him a bit of advice.

"I know that security is important," I admitted, "but I think you ought to be checking everyone, especially the respectable-looking people."

He gave me a puzzled look, so I explained.

"If I wanted to highjack a plane," I said, "the first thing I'd do would be to cut my hair, put on a new suit and tie, buy a fancy attache case and put my bomb or weapon in it. And if I did that, you'd let me pass without a second glance. Am I right?"

He nodded thoughtfully.

"I suppose so."

"All I'm saying," I said, "is that security measures must be universally applied if they're to do any good. That way, they become part of the normal routine. And you'd never have to fear offending any well-dressed businessmen or mothers with infants, would you?"

He had to agree.

So, I smiled, commended him for taking on a tough job and headed to my plane. But before I boarded, I glanced back. And what should I see but a fellow just like the potential highjacker I described coming down the ramp - haircut, suit, attache case and all! So, I paused to see what the screener would do.

At first, he made as if to stop the man, then held back, then started to move towards him again, then retreated in confusion and finally simply allowed the man to pass unchallenged. And the little drama gave me quite a chuckle.

But once I'd strapped myself into my seat, it dawned on me. What if the fellow in the suit did have a gun or bomb in his briefcase? And through the entire flight, I couldn't get that notion out of my head.

So, now, when people moan about having their body space invaded, I think they're missing the point. It should be everybody or nobody that has to stand electronically naked before the airport scanners. Everyone or no one - there is no middle ground!

And as for me, I can handle a bit of exposure. God knows, I don't get half as many requests for that these days as I used to!