ALIEN LIFE AT THE VATICAN

Last month, the Vatican held an extraordinary conference of astronomers, physicists and biologists to discuss ways of exploring the notion that space aliens may be real.  And now, the results are in.

But don't hold your breath!  There are no earth-shaking findings - just the simple admission that life might just exist elsewhere in the Universe and a vague commitment to do further studies on the subject.

Still, the news would have come as a great shock to Giordano Bruno, a 16th Century scientist and philosopher who had his tongue cut out and was burned alive for having the audacity to suggest the very same notion.

Funny how times change!  Although I doubt Girodano would have put it quite like that.  Upon hearing the verdict in his trial, he was reported to have flipped his judges "the bird" and said something like, "You guys are the ones who are shaking in your boots... not me!"

But then, the Roman Catholic Church has never had much grace or forbearance when it comes to dealing with scientists, let alone their scientific theories or practice.  I mean, it took them 500 years to admit that that whole business with Galileo was a bit of a mistake.  At least, they didn't burn him.

So, why this sudden turn-around?  Why should the Director of the Vatican Observatory feel obliged to admit that "The questions of life’s origins and of whether life exists elsewhere in the universe are very suitable and deserve serious consideration."

I think the answer lies not in the stars, but a lot closer to home.

You only have to read the headlines which day after day detail the horrors of broken vows and sexual predation from certain members of the clergy.  You only have to hear life-long, devout parishioners go on TV, proclaiming they'll not only refuse to pay for huge settlements to those abused by their priests and bishops but refuse, as well, to ever again set foot in their own churches.

The crisis is real and immediate.  

How does the Church reclaim the disillusioned?  How far do they have to go to find a flock that hasn't been scandalized and terrorized by wayward shepherds?

The answer is simple: somewhere out there!

The moment has come, the Pope and Cardinals have decided, to boldly go where no church has gone before.

This time, they're actually hoping the scientists are right about alien life forms, although it seems to me that it may be too late.  

And Vatican strategists must be thinking, "Where's Giordano Bruno now that we need him?!"

"Oh, yeah!  We burned him."