A ROYAL HO-HUM

A recent poll of Canadians sought to determine what they think of the Royals and discovered that they don't.

This was enough to send strategists at Buckingham Palace into a royal tizzy. After all, for a constitutional monarch, there is no greater enemy than indifference.

The news was especially disturbing, since Charles, the Prince of Wales and heir-apparent to the throne, is just setting out on a cross-Canada tour, the general aim of which is to "sell" him to the public as a creditable future king.  But despite the Prince's passion for things ecological and organic, Canucks just don't see him as such.

The folks at the Palace are desperate to change this perception - or lack of one.  But I think they're going the wrong way about it.  I think there's a clear failure on their part to understand the modern public mindset.

We want SCANDAL not social relevance.  And it's been way too long since we had any of that from the House of Windsor.

I mean, Prince Harry showing up at a costume party wearing a swastika armband hardly cuts it today.

Now, in the good old days, when Chuck was cheating on Diana, when he and Camilla were swapping steamy love notes, when Chuck wrote that he dreamed of being her Tampon, well... that was more like it.  We could relate to that!  But it seems as if the Prince has reformed (or slowed down, anyway); and British tabloids have had to look elsewhere for a juicy headline.

My heart goes out to them (the editors at the tabloids, that is).  There just aren't enough vicars in England to keep the front page of a daily paper full of shocking headlines.

But before the Queen falls into too deep a funk, I'd like to remind her of something that happened here in Thunder Bay back in 1973.

Just weeks after I officially became a Canadian, she and Prince Philip flew in for a quick visit and were greeted by our Mayor, an ex-vaudevillian with a shiny, bald pate and a bright red bow tie.  He got up to the microphone and loudly and proudly welcomed "Prince Philip and his lovely wife".

Her Majesty's Chief of Protocol (who always travels with her) went bright red himself and looked as if his head were about to explode.  In days of yore, the mouthy Mayor could have lost his own head for such a gaff.

But as if that weren't enough, the Mayor then proceeded to suggest the Royal Couple come out to his summer camp and hoist a few jars.  And when they politely refused and turned to go, he patted Elizabeth the Second, Queen of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland on her royal derriere (as was his custom with all women).

So, when the Windsors worry about being ignored by their subjects abroad, they might want to remember Thunder Bay and realize that there are times when indifference is (as the British are wont to say) "no bad thing".