Life is fraught with temptations for a retired tabloid writer. And for days, I've done my damnedest to avoid this one.
But I'm weak. I admit it.
The first time I heard about this 70-something California bandit, the old tabloid juices began to flow again. And the only thing that kept me in check was remembering the reason I'd quit the tabs: I'd realized that no matter what wacky fantasy I might devise, reality would always outdo it.
In this case, the strange thing is not that a man of such advanced years should be able (or motivated) to rob a bank. I think it was John Dillinger who, when asked why he robbed them, declared, "Because that's where they keep the money."
And after all, social security isn't much to live on these days and applying for additional assistance by filling out forms is rarely as effective as walking into a bank and pulling out a gun.
No, the strange thing here is that the FBI can't seem to catch the Geezer.
Think about it! An elderly man wearing no mask (not even an oxygen mask, although he did bring his tank to one heist), a man wearing no disguise of any kind and hardly fast enough on his feet to manage a high-speed getaway, somehow escapes time after time - 5, so far!
So, what can we say about the vaunted efficiency of the FBI?! But then, it is an organization with a history almost as unbelievable as a geriatric gunman. Wasn't it run for decades by a cross-dressing director who stubbornly denied there was any such thing as the Mafia?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction.
I predict that if the so-called Geezer Bandit is ever brought down, it will probably be by some other gun-toting senior. Or else he'll be tripped up by a bag lady while fleeing one of his bank jobs. But odds are, the one who'll get him in the end will be that biggest thief of them all, Old Father Time.
There! I've done it!
I've succumbed to temptation, and I feel better already.
In fact, I'm reminded of that old joke: What's the difference between a stick-up and a hold-up?
Age.
In fact, I'm reminded of that old joke: What's the difference between a stick-up and a hold-up?
Age.
Hi Jim. Love your Blog! I have a question. What did you have to do to become such a good writer? It's my dream to be a journalist just like you who finds great stories and reveals them to the public. Do you remember the one about Walt Disney being cryogenically frozen? I'll bet the guy or gal who broke that story went straight to the top! I'd sure like to shake his or her hand. Also, I'd like to interview the scientists who are involved in the project. The world needs to know more about cryogenics and what it can do to slow the aging process.
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